Category: English

  • Lifechanging career decisions – why are you afraid?

    Lifechanging career decisions – why are you afraid?

    On a certain level, you feel that you need to change. There are so many things speaking for a change, a move. You wan’t it so bad, yet the scary feeling is also there. What if it doesn’t work out? What if it is not better at all? What if it’s worse? Overcoming the fear of change, how can you do that?

    I have been there! Moving from government service, in the Swedish Army, after 18 years – into the private sector. I know the feeling. This also taught me which kind of decisions you might face to reach the goal. One of those – either you go with the opportunities where you currently are, or you move to the opportunity you want. It can be that simple, yet, who do you have around you that is challenging you to face the facts?

    From this experience, I also know how hard it is to restart you career in a new field. Learning a company culture, a totally different work culture – forcing you to question, why do I want this challenge? Why does my body and mind crave this challenge? These are questions that can put your feet so firm on the ground that you will be able to face resistance and strong winds, because you know where you are going, and more importantly why you want to get there.

    I also know what it takes to move your career, and your family to a whole new country. Different culture, different language. With the curiosity of discovering, all the possibility of doing something wrong also emerges. The rational decisions that needs to be taken to do this, also comes with the emotional side. There are a range of emotions that comes with transferring to a different country. Who is partnering with you to guide you through them, and be by your side throughout this journey?

    So, you want change, but you are afraid of what comes with the change? Let’s discover the reasons behind this! Let’s see how you can solve it, overcoming the fear of change!

    More about taking risks here: What is the biggest risk you could take today? – Unstuck – The Blog

    More about changing perspective to overcome the fear here: https://podcasts.apple.com/ch/podcast/unstuck-podcast/id1620390909

  • I need to be perfect, said the client to the coach…

    I need to be perfect, said the client to the coach…

    I need to be perfect to be happy…

    The following story about a client is fiction, this client does not exist. My coaching is confidential, it is between me and the client.

    I need to be perfect, said the client, a man, 39 years old and married. He desperately needed my help in order to prepare for an examination, a training he was doing parallel to work and family responsibilities. He had a long CV, with countless trainings, all of them with perfect grades. It would have been perfect, but he had hit a wall. The last exam was a fail, and that left my client sleepless.

    Looking into how his life looked life, at the moment, the balance was missing. There was no time left for friends and family. On the topic of rest, and sleep, I felt his frustration. When we explored this feeling deeper, we found that the energy was all spent hunting the next shiny certificate. Why? That was the question. How did you celebrate the last achievement? I had no time, I hade already enrolled on a new course online…

    And how would he like his life to look like, what is a 10 out of 10 when it comes to career, or intimate relationships? What would a 10 look like, for him? The reflections led us further to a long history of having to be perfect, never being good enough.

    How does it feel to get a test graded with a C? Painful! I hate it! I could do better! I should do better! I am not someone that comes home with a C! That was his reaction. But what was the cost, what did he choose not to prioritize, in order to get the A? Family? The same family he said that he was working so hard for.

    Where did the voice come from, the voice that was telling my client that a C was not good enough for him? How could he describe that part of his personality?

    On your path, who is walking with you?

    After working on this during a several sessions, we could see that his inner critic had been there since his early school years, trying to keep up with a foreign language, not understanding what was said, having to fight hard to pass the grades. He could describe it as a huge character, stepping in in front of him when needed, protecting him from possible failure.

    In the last session, I asked him to grade a topic from 1 to 10, and it was on a 5. How would a 10 look like? A 7 is good enough for me, was his answer, spelled out with joy and stability. “I am not trying to be perfect any more, and I wish that everyone could enjoy this feeling of freedom and balance. I actually feel sorry, how I have treated myself, and how I have treated people I care about.” The critic was still there, but small, walking behind him. He was leading, and steering, his life.

    Perfectionism can come from many reasons, and what interest me is what makes someone afraid to not be perfect. When we explore this, in the problem, we find solutions. In coaching, we look into the here and now, and the future, to find ways which are new and untested. That does not mean that the history is not interesting, but we are not trying to find the right label or reason. We can’t change the history, but we get to shape our future.

    As said in the start, this is a fictional story about a client that does not exist. If it touches you, and your life, get in touch with me!

  • Don’t surprise your manager! – My advice on how to develop your career.

    Don’t surprise your manager! – My advice on how to develop your career.

    So you are applying for an internal position, maybe even one that would count as a promotion. I will give you my best piece of advice here. The most important one is not to surprise your manager with the application. When applying internally, you need to consider the working relationship with your manager, and how to make sure that this relationship does not get hurt from applying. This is different when applying outside of your current company, so keep this in mind when reading this post. I will be back another time when it comes to searching for a position outside of your current employment.

    So why am I saying that you should not surprise your manager? The first thing is that when you apply internally, your manager will most probably get to know that you did, even if you are not saying it. The conversation that will take place if you where not open about applying might be good, the risk is however that the trust that was there is damaged.

    Any manager worth his or her salt will be interested in your development and try to invest as much energy as possible in making you ready for the promotion that you want. To do this, the openness has to be there, you have to be clear on what you want as your next step, when you see it and where. What you should expect in return is if this is the right one for you, and what kind of support you could get. So that is why you should not surprise your current manager with your application, as your manager, I wan’t to be a part of your development and surprises does not make it easier. More about development talks here.

    What I also do, is to prepare your succession. I have a plan for each and every key leader, with alternatives as successors, actions on how to prepare them. This is work that needs priorities, and to do this I need to know where the exit risks are. If you surprise me with internal applications, the priorities needs to be changed.

    The next part is that if you apply within the company for another role, and you did not do the work to talk to the hiring manager before writing your application, you are not playing your best game. You need to know what is important for the role, and what is not written in the posting. This is really hard to do if you never talked to your future leader. You want to stand out from the competition, you want to show that you are the one for the role – then make sure that you are prepared.

    If you need help on getting prepared for the next step, coaching can be one of the most powerful tools available. I’m ready to support you!

    If you feel better in an accountability group – check out my friend Mike.

  • The Importance of  Continuous Education for Coaches, and being a coachee yourself

    The Importance of Continuous Education for Coaches, and being a coachee yourself

    As a coach, your primary goal is to guide and support others in their personal and professional growth. However, it’s essential to remember that even coaches need coaching. In this blog post, we will explore why life coaches should engage in self-coaching and continuous education to enhance their skills and provide the best possible support to their clients.

    Lifelong learning - This is  the way!
    Sunrise on Heitersberg, Switzerland. Photo:Helge Nilsson
    1. Personal Growth:
      Just like your clients, you, as a coach, are constantly evolving. Engaging in self-coaching allows you to reflect on your own goals, challenges, and areas for improvement. By working with a coach yourself, you can gain valuable insights, identify blind spots, and develop strategies to overcome obstacles. This personal growth journey not only benefits you but also enhances your ability to empathize and connect with your clients. A coach not being coached is like a dentist with very bad teeth. You have to be able to walk the talk, using army expressions.
    2. Skill Enhancement:
      Coaching is an ever-evolving field, with new techniques and approaches emerging regularly. Continuous education ensures that you stay up-to-date with the latest trends, research, and best practices in coaching. By attending workshops, webinars, and conferences, you can expand your knowledge, learn new coaching methodologies, and refine your existing skills. This ongoing learning process enables you to offer a diverse range of tools and techniques to your clients, enhancing the effectiveness of your coaching sessions.
    3. Accountability:
      Coaching is all about accountability, and as a coach, you understand its significance. By having your own coach, you create a system of accountability for yourself. Your coach can help you set goals, track your progress, and hold you responsible for taking action. This experience not only reinforces the importance of accountability in coaching but also allows you to experience the benefits firsthand, which you can then pass on to your clients.
    4. Fresh Perspectives:
      Coaching others can sometimes lead to tunnel vision, where you become so focused on your clients’ needs that you neglect your own. Engaging in self-coaching and continuous education provides you with fresh perspectives and allows you to step back and reflect on your coaching approach. By gaining new insights and exploring different perspectives, you can bring a renewed sense of creativity and innovation to your coaching practice.

    Conclusion:
    As a life coach, investing in your own self-coaching and continuous education is crucial for personal growth, skill enhancement, accountability, and gaining fresh perspectives. By engaging in these practices, you not only improve your own coaching abilities but also provide your clients with the highest level of support and guidance. Remember, even coaches need coaching! Lifelong learning, this is the way!

    If you would rather find support and accountability in a group, check out Mike’s amazing work.

  • Your best development talk ever? How coaching can get you there!

    Your best development talk ever? How coaching can get you there!

    The talk with the manager, best ever!

    In my coaching, I won’t give you advice on how to have a better conversation with your boss. But trust me, I understand your pain, and together we will find a way – I promise you! If I wanted to share stories of bad conversations, oh boy! I could go on for a long time. With 30 years of leadership experience, I’ve had my fair share of conversations, of all kinds, including the bad ones. I understand your desire, your longing for a good conversation. I so wish I had taken help from a coach, years ago.

    What I can promise you is that I will try to be the coach you need right now. Maybe you want to give feedback to your boss but you’re unsure how. Bad experiences give you a bad feeling. This is where a coach can be a great support, helping you go into the conversation well-prepared – simply prepared and curious. How about making that your goal? I still remember a supervisor who recommended that I drink more alcohol during a yearly review. It was a long time ago, but I will never forget it, and I will definitely not conduct a co-worker conversation in that manner. So, do you want to redesign the next conversation as an employee or as a supervisor?

    Can I support you as a coach in that? Just reach out!

    Is support and accountability in a group what you need right now? Check out Mike’s amazing work!

  • Your fears and how the coach can help you!

    You have asked me to coach you, because you need my help. You want to reach the goal, but so far, it is too far away. The first step is to ask for help, and now I’m here. I’m here to help, but that is not the same as saying that now, all will be easy.

    One of the things we will have to work on will be your fears. The fears are the obstacles that are standing in your way, making it impossible to move forward. Say that you have the classic one, you are afraid of public speaking. You freeze up, maybe you don’t even take the assignments that involve public speaking. But you know. Without being able to do it, the goal, that promotion, it is simply not going to happen.

    Of course, we will need to work on this, that is the way forward. And that we will do, and you know it.

    When we work on overcoming and making the fears shrink, it can be a mix of feelings. The joy of moving forward, and the regret of not doing it earlier. It’s OK, we will just have to keep going.

    Even more important are the fears where I need to help you describe them, put the words in order to make them visible. When they become visible, the work really starts. Here, the awareness that happens also brings feelings to the surface. Be prepared for this, and we will work to keep going.

    When we are moving on, with the fears shrinking and becoming manageable, actions that you where delaying or not at all willing to take suddenly happen. That is the magic! I am there to help, to get you the results you want.

  • What is the biggest risk you could take today?

    The question might lead you to think about going all in on the poker table at your casino, but that is not the focus here. It is about life risks, and rewards. It is also not about life and death risks like the ones you would encounter in a war-zone or as an officer of law-enforcement. I could write about those as well, another time!

    What we are talking about is risks like when you are learning a new language. What could happen when you start trying yourself out, speaking where you are not yet skilled? You could be misunderstood, laughed at or say something really stupid without being aware. Safe bet, keep quiet. The right bet, if you ask me, be brave and try, because the reward of being able to communicate in another language is so much higher.

    Another one, quitting your job for a new one, with lower pay but more possibilities and opportunities. Been there, done that, worth it after one year, infinitely more so a couple of years later. I once had a candidate for an open position, great fit, really motivated. Only problem was that the position available was for a 80% contract, and she had a 100% contract with the current employer. The candidate backed out seeing the risk as too high.

    Or, moving for a new role, risking to lose contact with family and friends. Yes, absolutely a risk that you would have to factor in trying to decide if it is worth it or not. Another one, asking the bank for a loan to get your side-business to grow faster than otherwise possible. This is probably the easiest one to calculate, you know what you are asking for, and if it doesn’t fly you will have to pay it back anyhow.

    So, what is the biggest risk that you are contemplating right now? What could it be worth if it works out? And if you fall, what would the worst possible outcome be?

    /Helge

  • Episode 10 – Work as hard on your dreams as you do on your career!

    Episode 10-Work as hard on your DREAMS as you do on your career! – Unstuck Podcast | Podcast auf Spotify

    In this episode, we start talking about how working on that dream is at least as important as being committed to your job and career.

    Of course, you need to be committed to your goals at work, but any of us can loose our jobs, and it does not need to be your own fault. Should that happend, what if you had a side hustle ready to devote more time and energy into?

    And more importantly you should not define yourself only by your role at work. To become more resilient, work on having other roles as well. That makes it easier to get through tough times, to stand tall in the storm.

    Helge tells a part of the experience from northern Sweden, where a lot of the older generation had at least two careers. The shoe repairman was trained by his father to repair shoes on a professional level, still worked his whole working life as a customs officer. His father had the possibility to give him and his brother a second career, a second profession as an added level of security. So he had a workshop in the back of the house, and he became important in the community not for his job but because of the side hustle.

    What skills could you give your children that can give them a future side hustle, or cut living costs in the future? For Mike, one of those could be photography. Helge would choose between scythe moving and tailoring bespoke shirts.

    How can you ramp up your small side hustle to larger levels, like Mike? If you are curious on what his side hustle is, listen to the episode!

  • Episode 9 – Embrace your wierd self!

    Episode 9- Embrace your weird self! – Unstuck Podcast | Podcast auf Spotify

    Episode 9 is a short one, perfect when you are in between things! Mike and Helge talks about how embracing the parts of you that make you unique can give you an important edge. Maybe you were playing it safe at the highschool yard, standing in the corner, making as little noise as possible. Life as an adult should not be like high school, nor like if we where zebras trying to use the camouflage of looking like everybody else.

    When you stand out, you will be remembered, you will make an impact. Embracing the parts about you that are special and not like anybody else, that makes you stand out in the crowd. And just one example, when interviewing for a possible job, standing out from the crowd can get you hired.

    So think about it, what makes you unique, and how could you use it even more to your advantage? How could you tell the story of your special talents, skills or dreams?

  • Episode 4 – How to handle the challenge like champion

    You have challenge, a presentation, a meeting that makes you nervous. We have all been there, maybe needing to present something at a level that you are not used to, to important stakeholders. If you do it well, it could mean a lot. If not – that makes you nervous, scared…

    Imagine your favourite athlete, maybe it is Muhammad Ali, maybe Wayne Gretzki, right before a game. What is going on inside their heads? Going up against opposition that will try to make them lose, at the very least make their day really hard. Up against a risk to get injured, knowing that this could be the last game of the career.

    Who your favourite athlete could be is less important, what matters is that you can identify yourself with the athlete, picture yourself in the lockerroom, focusing. You know that you are really good at what you do, you play because you love the game. You have chosen it, and you love it. The risks come with the job, you accept the risk. Knowing this, you might not have the possibility to choose if this is your last game. Of course, you will give it your best, and enjoy the game. Accepting the risk disarms the fear, the danger is real. Fear is a choice, and your athlete has chosen not to fear.

    That is exactly how I would prepare for a really important board meeting, the dreaded internal audit or the opportunity to speak in front of 1000 strangers.

    I have worked in leadership positions for almost 30 years, being payed for it. That by any standards is being a proffessional. I am good at what I do, and I love what I do – otherwise, why should I take the stress that comes with the tasks and challenges. Being a proffessional, of course I have to love the important games the most. With respnosibility comes risk, and I need to accept that I will not always be the right player for the team.

    So, I open my eyes, step out of the lockerroom, into the meeting room. Excited, it’s important, but full of joy. Starting with a joke, I give it my best. If this is the last board meeting I get to do, I am going to enjoy it to the fullest. It will be a meeting to remember!