Tag: Helge

  • I need to be perfect, said the client to the coach…

    I need to be perfect, said the client to the coach…

    I need to be perfect to be happy…

    The following story about a client is fiction, this client does not exist. My coaching is confidential, it is between me and the client.

    I need to be perfect, said the client, a man, 39 years old and married. He desperately needed my help in order to prepare for an examination, a training he was doing parallel to work and family responsibilities. He had a long CV, with countless trainings, all of them with perfect grades. It would have been perfect, but he had hit a wall. The last exam was a fail, and that left my client sleepless.

    Looking into how his life looked life, at the moment, the balance was missing. There was no time left for friends and family. On the topic of rest, and sleep, I felt his frustration. When we explored this feeling deeper, we found that the energy was all spent hunting the next shiny certificate. Why? That was the question. How did you celebrate the last achievement? I had no time, I hade already enrolled on a new course online…

    And how would he like his life to look like, what is a 10 out of 10 when it comes to career, or intimate relationships? What would a 10 look like, for him? The reflections led us further to a long history of having to be perfect, never being good enough.

    How does it feel to get a test graded with a C? Painful! I hate it! I could do better! I should do better! I am not someone that comes home with a C! That was his reaction. But what was the cost, what did he choose not to prioritize, in order to get the A? Family? The same family he said that he was working so hard for.

    Where did the voice come from, the voice that was telling my client that a C was not good enough for him? How could he describe that part of his personality?

    On your path, who is walking with you?

    After working on this during a several sessions, we could see that his inner critic had been there since his early school years, trying to keep up with a foreign language, not understanding what was said, having to fight hard to pass the grades. He could describe it as a huge character, stepping in in front of him when needed, protecting him from possible failure.

    In the last session, I asked him to grade a topic from 1 to 10, and it was on a 5. How would a 10 look like? A 7 is good enough for me, was his answer, spelled out with joy and stability. “I am not trying to be perfect any more, and I wish that everyone could enjoy this feeling of freedom and balance. I actually feel sorry, how I have treated myself, and how I have treated people I care about.” The critic was still there, but small, walking behind him. He was leading, and steering, his life.

    Perfectionism can come from many reasons, and what interest me is what makes someone afraid to not be perfect. When we explore this, in the problem, we find solutions. In coaching, we look into the here and now, and the future, to find ways which are new and untested. That does not mean that the history is not interesting, but we are not trying to find the right label or reason. We can’t change the history, but we get to shape our future.

    As said in the start, this is a fictional story about a client that does not exist. If it touches you, and your life, get in touch with me!

  • Your best development talk ever? How coaching can get you there!

    Your best development talk ever? How coaching can get you there!

    The talk with the manager, best ever!

    In my coaching, I won’t give you advice on how to have a better conversation with your boss. But trust me, I understand your pain, and together we will find a way – I promise you! If I wanted to share stories of bad conversations, oh boy! I could go on for a long time. With 30 years of leadership experience, I’ve had my fair share of conversations, of all kinds, including the bad ones. I understand your desire, your longing for a good conversation. I so wish I had taken help from a coach, years ago.

    What I can promise you is that I will try to be the coach you need right now. Maybe you want to give feedback to your boss but you’re unsure how. Bad experiences give you a bad feeling. This is where a coach can be a great support, helping you go into the conversation well-prepared – simply prepared and curious. How about making that your goal? I still remember a supervisor who recommended that I drink more alcohol during a yearly review. It was a long time ago, but I will never forget it, and I will definitely not conduct a co-worker conversation in that manner. So, do you want to redesign the next conversation as an employee or as a supervisor?

    Can I support you as a coach in that? Just reach out!

    Is support and accountability in a group what you need right now? Check out Mike’s amazing work!

  • Das Gespräch mit dem Chef, jetzt erst recht! – Wie der Coach dir helfen könnte.

    Das Gespräch mit dem Chef, jetzt erst recht! In meinem Coaching werde ich dir keine Ratschläge geben, wie du ein besseres Gespräch mit dem Chef führen kannst. Aber ich verstehe deinen Schmerz, glaub mir, und gemeinsam werden wir einen Weg finden – das versichere ich dir! Wenn ich jedoch Geschichten von schlechten Gesprächen erzählen wollte, oh je! Ich könnte ein Lied davon singen. Mit 30 Jahren Führungserfahrung habe ich schon einige Gespräche hinter mir, von allen möglichen Arten, sicherlich auch schlechte. Ich verstehe deinen Wunsch, deine Sehnsucht nach einem guten Gespräch. Früher hätte ich mir auch gewünscht, einen Coach zu haben.

    Was ich dir versprechen kann, ist, dass ich versuchen werde, der Coach zu sein, den du jetzt brauchst. Wie kann der Coach dich helfen? Vielleicht möchtest du dem Chef Feedback geben, bist dir aber unsicher wie. Schlechte Erfahrungen bereiten dir Bauchschmerzen. Hier kann ein Coach eine sehr gute Unterstützung sein, um gut vorbereitet ins Gespräch zu gehen – einfach bereit und neugierig. Wie wäre es, das als Ziel zu haben?

    Ich erinnere mich noch an einen Vorgesetzten, der mir in einem Jahresgespräch empfohlen hat, mehr Schnaps zu trinken. Das ist lange her, aber ich werde es nie vergessen und werde auf jeden Fall kein Mitarbeitergespräch auf diese Art führen. Also, möchtest du das nächste Gespräch als Mitarbeiter oder Vorgesetzter neu gestalten? Darf ich dich dabei als Coach unterstützen? Komm einfach auf mich zu!

  • Deine Ängste!

    Du hast mich gebeten, dich zu coachen, weil du meine Hilfe brauchst. Du willst das Ziel erreichen, aber bis jetzt ist es zu weit weg. Der erste Schritt ist, um Hilfe zu bitten, und jetzt bin ich da. Ich bin hier, um zu helfen, aber das ist nicht dasselbe wie zu sagen, dass jetzt alles einfach sein wird.

    Eines der Dinge, an denen wir arbeiten müssen, sind deine Ängste. Die Ängste sind die Hindernisse, die sich dir in den Weg stellen und es unmöglich machen, voranzukommen. Nehmen wir an, du hast die klassische Angst, in der Öffentlichkeit zu sprechen. Du erstarrst, vielleicht nimmst du nicht einmal die Aufgaben an, die öffentliches Reden beinhalten. Aber du weisst es. Wenn du nicht in der Lage bist, es zu tun, wird das Ziel, die Beförderung, einfach nicht erreicht.

    Natürlich werden wir daran arbeiten müssen, das ist der Weg nach vorn. Und das werden wir tun, und das ist dir bewusst.

    Wenn wir daran arbeiten, die Ängste zu überwinden und zu verkleinern, kann das eine Mischung von Gefühlen sein. Die Freude, vorwärtszukommen, und das Bedauern, es nicht früher getan zu haben. Das ist schon in Ordnung, wir müssen einfach weitermachen.

    Noch wichtiger sind die Ängste, bei denen ich dir helfen muss, sie zu beschreiben, sie in Worte zu fassen, um sie sichtbar zu machen. Wenn sie sichtbar werden, geht die Arbeit erst richtig los. Die Bewusstwerdung, die hier stattfindet, bringt auch Gefühle an die Oberfläche. Sei darauf vorbereitet, und wir werden daran arbeiten, weiterzugehen.

    Wenn wir weitergehen und die Ängste schrumpfen und überschaubar werden, geschehen plötzlich Handlungen, die du bisher hinausgezögert haben oder gar nicht unternehmen wollten. Das ist die Magie! Ich bin da, um dir zu helfen, damit du die Ergebnisse erzielst, die du dir erwünscht hat.

  • Your fears and how the coach can help you!

    You have asked me to coach you, because you need my help. You want to reach the goal, but so far, it is too far away. The first step is to ask for help, and now I’m here. I’m here to help, but that is not the same as saying that now, all will be easy.

    One of the things we will have to work on will be your fears. The fears are the obstacles that are standing in your way, making it impossible to move forward. Say that you have the classic one, you are afraid of public speaking. You freeze up, maybe you don’t even take the assignments that involve public speaking. But you know. Without being able to do it, the goal, that promotion, it is simply not going to happen.

    Of course, we will need to work on this, that is the way forward. And that we will do, and you know it.

    When we work on overcoming and making the fears shrink, it can be a mix of feelings. The joy of moving forward, and the regret of not doing it earlier. It’s OK, we will just have to keep going.

    Even more important are the fears where I need to help you describe them, put the words in order to make them visible. When they become visible, the work really starts. Here, the awareness that happens also brings feelings to the surface. Be prepared for this, and we will work to keep going.

    When we are moving on, with the fears shrinking and becoming manageable, actions that you where delaying or not at all willing to take suddenly happen. That is the magic! I am there to help, to get you the results you want.

  • Who is Helge?

    I am passionate about overcoming obstacles, finding a solution to challenges and asking the right questions. I have tried more hobbies than I can count or remember, always trying to build new skills. If you would drop me off in Northern Sweden in 1935, I would do much better than barely surviving. I spent many years in the Swedish Army, before switching to a civilian career. Since 2020, my home is located in Switzerland.

    In northern Sweden, where my heart is.